Oooh, La, La, and All That. . .

Dearest Veggie,

Thanks for responding to my email wondering if you were still alive. I guess that life in the U.K. must be agreeing with you.

Your father and I returned from our vacation at the "shore" earlier today. We forced Ponzi to come with us for the week, but Trigger couldn't afford any more time off from work and so she traveled down by herself and stayed just for two nights because she wanted to be home for her 19th birthday. (Btw. . .was it you - perhaps - who taught her the pick-and-pass method of driving she uses on the highway? 'Cause it sounds like vintage Veggie to me. . . ) Anyway. . . we had to send the dog back with Trigger because she was suffering from Safe Potty Syndrome (the dog, silly, not Trigger) and I caught her once or twice clicking her heels and muttering something like. . . There's no place home. . .I'm sure you'll be pleased to know that, according to Trigger, once she was in her own backyard, everything ran smoothly for her once again.

Speaking of smoothly. . . it seems that my little excercise in Trusting Trigger worked out just fine. I checked my camera again, and the inside of the liquor cabinet looks just the way it looked in the photo I took before we left.

I'm glad that your trip to Spain was wonderful. I was surpised - however - to read your p.s. about skipping over to Paris from there . . . I checked your bank account and have not - as of yet - seen any Parisian purchases on your debit card. How could this be? Not a single pair of shoes? A scarf? A cafe au lait? A pack of cigarettes??? (Or are they fags now to you???) Come now, Veggie, you are messing up my super-sleuthing abilities!

While in the City of Love, please promise me you will not get seduced by a Frenchman, for I'm quite convinced that you - my dear daughter - will fall head-over-heels with a young strapping gadabout, who - in turn - will only break your heart. You know what they say. . . sometimes you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince . . .

I guess that's it for now. Please write again and give me some more details about your living conditions . . . like your phone number. . . or if you're actually making any money. . . you know. . . little things like that. . .

Signed lovingly,

Oh. . . and I hope you weren't planning on coming home any time in the near future, 'cause Ponzi has some friends over and they're moving her into your old room as we speak. . . and I'll be taking over Ponzi's old room after that. . . turning it into my study. . . 'cause I need one, you know. . .